


A vast sea of thoughts.

by tourniqu3t



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Give this boy a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-08 02:26:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10375761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tourniqu3t/pseuds/tourniqu3t
Summary: Dirk spends some time with himself. Thoughts ensue.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic ever, so, I thought it'd be a good idea to give my attention to my boy Dirk. He deserves more love. <3

You've always been reminded not to bottle things up in your head but here you are, doing it anyway. _It's for the best,_ you convince yourself, because, since when did phrasing them out ever worked out well for you?

 

As you sit on the concrete of a yet unfamiliar rooftop, you are unsurprisingly getting a blast from the past and more specifically from your past residence. No matter how pretty the ocean was, with the sun drowning in the distant horizon every night only to emerge once more in the early hours of a new morning, you were still alone. Alone and also lonely, to top things off, save for the times curious seagulls decided to keep you company, or when HIC sent more imperial drones to have a go at you.

 

But maybe those were simpler times for you. Now that you are far, far away from your previous home, what do you see?

 

For one, you don't have to worry about death anymore. At first that was a fun idea for everyone but for you, it was a wake-up call. _Now what?_ What is your goal now? You honestly don't remember how long it has been since your first day on this planet. Hundreds, thousands of years? Time has lost its meaning for you. Suddenly you're starting to understand how your brother felt about that subject. So many questions and yet, you seem to be the only one who cares to search for the answer.

So many things have changed. You can easily now say that no one is the same. Not even you. No matter how your friends don't want to admit it, you're starting to feel them getting slowly more and more distant. Not only with you but with each other. The thought scares you, to say the least. If you lose both yourself and your friends, what do you have left? The answer to that question is easy; nothing. You have nothing left. And of course, being you, you try to solve that by distancing yourself even more. You know ignoring your problems never solves the issue but man, you love playing pretend now. There's really not much else you can do, as time goes on, you notice that even the one person who managed to read between your lines like a goddamn fucking open book has started to lose his sway and glow. That person is no one else but your brother. A small, bitter chuckle escapes you because, after all this time, you're still beating yourself up over what an alternate version of yourself did to him. Dave would probably punch you for thinking about that again, if he was sitting next to you now.

 

Alas, even though you are fully aware of the beautiful bond you two share (and needless to say you feel forever grateful for it), he has his own life. To you, it looks like he is living in blissful happiness, as he deserves to be. Once again, you drown the envious feelings rising up to fill your thoughts with venom. You drown them and kick them down, just to make sure they stay there. It's not his fault you can't express your feelings the way you want to. Last time you tried, you nearly lost one of your best (and only) friends forever. Took some time to rebuild your relationship with him, even though you now clearly see it was never meant to be, your wavelengths just simply have nothing to do with each other. You don't mind it. At least not now, after all this time. 

 

Even if beating a dead horse seems to be your thing, this is not the horse you want to beat now, or ever again. In all honesty, after thinking about it so much, you became numb to the issue itself. Now, it's becoming more apparent what your species is all about. Self gratification. When the beauty of a new relationship begins to fade- and you should note to yourself that it goes for every kind of relationship- the true colours of the people you interact with also begin to show.

 

You guess you are okay with that. You are not any better to begin with. But the truth is, you have no interest in trying to lead a mortal life again. This new Earth, it doesn't feel quite right. Earth-C, they call it. Ha, what a joke. It's almost ironic since you all know that this is nothing like Earth. It feels utopic, like an incredibly long dream. But you know better than anyone else that all you watch in your sleep now is just the back of your eyes. As if you really need sleep. You just do it to kill some time. Nevertheless, today's human troubles seem mundane and non existent to you because seriously, nothing seems to be going wrong for them. How can they truly appreciate good times if there are no bad times or daily struggles? The answer is simple; it's impossible. Consorts for days. At least those little creatures do just fine on their own, just like they have always had. You don't have to babysit them 24/7. 

You got sidetracked though. This wasn't the point of your one-sided conversation with your head. You remember the times when you used to believe that everything is simply shades of gray but now you see that, without the occasional black and white, there would be no gray in the first place. And that is why, you are left struggling to give yourself some meaning. A reason to roam around this planet and stop being the wet blanket for everyone. How you can manage to do that still surpasses your feeble mind. Maybe the reason you are not fond of this Earth is because it feels empty, void of purpose. Or maybe it's just because even after all those years he still hasn't showed up. You wonder if he remembers you, or if he is trying to find this place just as much as you are trying to find a way out. You sure fucking hope he does. Maybe that is what you have to do to regain your purpose. Bringing him here would make this planet a lot more sufferable. 

 

And just as you are starting to disappear in your own thoughts just like the sun had set without you even noticing, you feel a familiar presence next to you and the hand of your brother on your shoulder. You sure as hell don't know how the fuck he does it, but, he just always knows where you are. A look in his face and you know that he was probably waiting for you to notice him for some time. And just like that, you pause the conversation with your head. Maybe not all is bad. The look on Dave's face sure brings up the hope in you again that maybe, some time, you'll finally manage to get over yourself.

**Author's Note:**

> And that was it. Thanks for reading everyone. Constructive criticism is more than welcome.


End file.
